Also not mentioned in the Principia - our many business ventures. No church likes to engage in the unseemly practice of boasting of its great wealth, but since I am being paid by the word I will list the names of our financial assets: the Brooklyn Bridge Holding Company, the Umbrella Corporation, the Spare Change Investment Corporation, Junk Mail Assossiates, San Andreas Shoreline Properties, the Fast Buck Riding Academy, the Informed Sources News Syndicate, Fly-by-Night Drug Transport, Infinite Vistas, Ltd., Everglades Land Investment, Cosa Nostra Amusements of New Jersey and the Laughing Buddha Jesus Ranch of Pinga Grande, Texas, Inc.

No doubt you are a little confused. Jesus, God and the Devil get such frequent billing in our religion - whereas most other faiths never advertise the competition. That's mostly because of the neoGnostical influence of SubGeniusism.

Jesus was not the Son of God at all but - as He says again and again in The Bible - He was the Son of Man. Actually, His mission was to warn us against God - a laser-armed computer-robot space station sent to regulate or destroy humanity. (Our very own Dr. Van Van Mojo finally got rid of YHVH-1 by sticking hat pins in a tetherball, but that's another story.)

As for the Devil - that is somebody our religion tried to do without for a long time. We didn't think we needed a Devil, especially with Eris Discordia's reputation being what it is already.

But religions without devils are like politicians without enemies or perpetual motion machines. If they are possible, they might just work. But who will ever know?

Our Devil came through the back door after introducing himself as Mr. Greyface. You will read about him in "The Curse of Greyface." After blaming the first few evils on him we realised how handy he was and gave him a lifelong membership before we determined his true identity.

What really fooled us is that his face is grey - and that's far from being his only resemblance to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, the SubGenius Messiah of Mediocrity. But then so many grey-flanneled American males look like "Bob", that is hardly evidence of conspiracy.

One difference: Greyface never smiles except when he is showing you how stupid you are; "Bob" always smiles except when he is showing you how stupid you are. For that reason the SubGenii call Greyface the Anti"Bob", but in both our churches seers and sages know he is the Devil.

No matter whether he calls himself Greyface or the Anti"Bob" he acts like the Devil, because his most famous line is: "Let me organize it for you!"

But no doubt you are also curious about Eris. Where does she hang out these days - now that Olympus has gone tourist?